An introduction of Myself & BDSM 101

Dear kinkster,

Let Me start by introducing Myself. I’m V. but you might call Me Mistress Kaizen. Besides being a proud Momma of two beautiful kittens, crazy about plants and quite addicted to tea, I’m also a professional Dominatrix and kink educator, which brings Me here, to this new diary. In a deep conversation with Myself, I thoughtfully decided that the first entry here should be about what I know the best, the thing I breath, eat and go to sleep with: BDSM. So welcome to BDSM 101, pour yourself a nice warm cup of tea, take your seat and let Me guide you into these hot waters.

If you’re a sexually active adult, you must likely have crossed paths with BDSM. It’s everywhere in the mainstream media since fifty shades of grey came out, full of controversies and different opinions about the subject. But let’s discuss this another day. There is a clear division when it comes to sexuality, you can either go vanilla (normative sexual practices) or you can go kink (non normative sexual practices), BDSM is kink and stands for Bondage (the act of restraining someone’s movements), Discipline (the act of setting rules to be obeyed followed by punishment or reward), Dominance & submission (the set of practices involving the submission of one person to another), Sadism (the act of inflicting pain to a subject for pleasure) and masochism (the pleasure the subject in the receiving end of the pain feel).

There's a variety of practices jumping between the b, the d, the s and the m, it can be sexual, mental or both. The main rule here is that every practice must be previously agreed between the people involved, every wish and concern must be communicated. There’s an acronym you will hear a lot within the kinky community, which is SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual). Although nothing in life is 100 percent safe, specially activities that might involve possible injury, there are always ways to identify and prevent risks when jumping into kink waters, following the thought, all the activities should be undertaken in a sensible and sane frame of mind and of course, every single activity has to involve the full consent of all parties involved. Every kinky (and vanilla) involvement has to be SSC. No discussion. No dah dah dah. It has to be. Now, drink your tea and let’s move on. Surfing on the kink waters, there’s another important acronym to be known, which is RACK (Risk-Accepted/Aware Consensual Kink), which basically means that you got to be aware of the risky sexual behaviors you’re about to engage, friendly reminder that if you’re not informed of the potential dangers, you simply cannot consent.

I won’t go too deep and explain to you which kink box(es) you belong to, the Goddess of all creation knows how many boxes there are (spoiler alert: there are so many!), regardless of you being a Dominant, a submissive, a Sadist, a masochist, a Mommy/Daddy, a little or any other kink role that might suit you, in bed or in life, don’t be embarrassed of it. Oscar Wilde once said “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” and well, BDSM is about navigating the power dynamics in human sexuality and although sometimes it can feel like walking through a minefield when taking a slightly less normative path, it doesn’t need to be. I often see people fighting their desires instead of diving deep for so many reasons, My advice to you is: go deep, go shallow, tie up, tie in, ride, get rode, pull, push, dress up, get naked. Be yourself, be consensual. Don’t allow the kink shamers to take the best of you, you’re not weird because you enjoy dressing up like a lady, being spanked and called a ‘little slut’, or even behaving like a pet. Non normative doesn’t mean being a freak. Unless being a freak is what makes you horny.

Behave and enjoy yourself,

See you next time.

Mistress Kaizen